The Kirby Nightmare

Back in 1992, I got done with my first enlistment in the Army, and ETSed in El Paso, TX.  For the first month or so, I struggled to find a job.  During that time I actually took up a position as a sales rep for Kirby vacuum cleaners.  I spent a few days learning the sales pitch, and how to set up appointments.  However, on the very next Monday, I came in as usual, expecting more training and hoping to get some leads.  Instead I was greeted with a round-robin of everyone talking about how they did as far as selling the previous weekend.  Turns out I was the only one who didn't even do a demo.  This revelation was greeted with a group round of singing "This is the way we starve to death, starve to death, starve to death!"  I was embarrassed and humiliated.

Needless to say, I never went back.

However, the experience has stuck with me to this day.  Whenever I fail to succeed at some professional endeavor, I keep hearing that song in my head.  It can be both a boon and curse.  On the one hand, it's a good motivator.  In the way that R. Lee Ermey calling you a disgusting fat-body can motivate you to keep running.  On the other hand, it's very degrading, and it really drives the failure home.  I honestly don't know what those whackos at Kirby were thinking.  Their $1000 vacuum clearner wasn't THAT great.

Today I have a good, steady job with the state of Wisconsin.  I don't make a whole lot of money (despite what the Republican sheeple around here think), but I make enough that, when combined with my wife's income from her salon, we're not in danger of starving to death, for sure.  And even though I still dream of being able to support a more-than-comfortable lifestyle with my writing, I'm under no delusions that I will ever succeed at that.  The best I feel like I can hope for is that I will someday become prolific and popular enough that my writing will afford us some extra luxeries here and there.  Some traveling, maybe a nice car, etc.

Now, I can hear certain friends of mine saying "Well, you'll never get there with that attitude."  And you know, they're probably right.  But the fact is, changing your attitude towards success and failure is not easy for some of us.  I have lived a life of failure, it feels like; rough childhood, rough marriage, rough time in the military.  I have yet to succeed at anything I truly set my mind to without some kind of overpowering outside influence.  So, if I am going to write a bestseller, it's going to have to be with someone standing over me, forcing me to write, and telling me what I should be writing.

All that being said, whenever I set myself a goal, and then fail to meet it, all I can hear are those snarky voices singing "This is the way we starve to death, starve to death, starve to death!"  It's not pleasant, and it's very demotivating.

Ah, well.  I have a small group of people who believe in me, and keep me motivated.  And really, that's what it's all about.  If I write a story that entertains someone, and makes them say "Wow," then I have succeeded.  I am a successful writer.  It may not change the world, but it will change that person's world for a short time, at least.  So, in that respect, I'm doing it.  I'm living my dream in little ways.  And that's a very cool thing, because I know for a fact that there are a LOT of people out there who can't even claim that small victory.

I'm good!

By nature, I'm pretty humble. I may joke around about how awesome I am, but in reality I don't always have a very high opinion of my abilities and skills. And I know I'm pretty good at some things, but it's just not important to me that everyone else says it. That being said, let me take this opportunity to toot my own horn a bit.

I write damn good action scenes.

Anyone who has ever read any of my stories knows that action and physical conflict are always at the heart of the tale. Sometimes my characters are thinly-veiled carbon copies of more famous action characters, and they sometimes handle the situations they get into in the same, standard manner as any famous character of their cut would. But that's not where my creativity lays, I don't think.

I chalk it up to reading a LOT of Robert E. Howard since I was about twelve years old, as well as reading a lot of Mack Bolan and other action-adventure books since around the same time.  Not to mention the sheer number of action movies I have watched. I think I have a pretty good grasp of how a fight scene works, and I think I do a more than fair job of relaying what is happening in my mind's eye to the page.

So, where does that leave me?

I'm not sure. I have been told that I am pretty good at characterization as well. I seem to be able to convey a character's personality, background, and motivations pretty clearly, and all within a short span. I have to admit, this part took some practice. And it really boils down to the old writer's adage "Show don't tell."

Related to this, I try to avoid infodumps like the plague. Even if it's only a single paragraph, I will always try to figure out a way to convey the info in some other way, or jettison it if it's not integral to the story. The downside of that is that my stories tend to leave people wanting more. Which I guess is a good thing, except that I have a hard time going back and picking up for the next story. Maybe when I sit down to try to write an entire novel, I will leave the infodumps in, until I can go back and maybe streamline them a bit.

One area of weakness that my wife always points out is physical description. A lot of times the characters are so real in my head that I forget that I need to tell show the reader what they actually look like. However, as I learned last week, when I am running out of room (as in approaching the word count max), this can be one of the first things to go. In this instance, I had to rely on the reader's assumed knowledge to fill in the details.

Incidentally, that story was a pretty cool experience within itself.  I found a market, wrote a new 2,500-word story, edited it, ran it by alpha-readers, and submitted it for consideration, all within about a 12-hour period.  It was a hoot!

So, see? I can't even just brag. I have to balance it with admitting flaws. But, I wouldn't be humble (yet totally awesome) little me otherwise.

Mid-life?

So, I think I am going through the gamer-geek's version of a mid-life crisis.  Instead of wanting to be single with a sports car, I just want to relive my gamer youth.  I want to play old RPGs, watch the movies and cartoons I grew up on, and read old-school comics.  Ok, and a part of me looks longingly at that motorcycle I saw for sale on my way to work.

Actually, now that I think about it, I've been feeling this way for a long time.  So, maybe no crisis, per se.  Still, it is cool to play 1E D&D, and yesterday we bought Michele a copy of Shadowrun 3E at Half-Price Books for $10, and she plans to run a game.  Which is cool for me, since I only ever played it once, when I was in the Army, and I'm pretty sure we never actually finished a game.  In fact, I'm not sure we did anything more than create characters.  Which is usually my favorite part of an RPG anyways.

Speaking of RPGs, Saturday was Free RPG Day, so I dutifully headed down to my FLGS, and picked up a copy of the annual free Pathfinder adventure.  I figure that someday, when I can convince my group to play the game, I will have a whole campaign's worth of free stuff.  We also got Catalyst's free preview versions of Shadowrun and Battletech RPGs (a flip-side two-in-one publication, and which inspired the aforementioned HPB purchase). 

I also picked up a copy of the new Marvel Superheroes RPG from Margaret Weis Studios (no, that wasn't free).  I haven't read it all yet (and I probably won't, since I don't think I have ever read an entire RPG from cover to cover).  My initial impression:  Well, it's certainly pretty.  Seriously, it's sized the same as a standard comic book Trade Paper Back, and the quality is just like what you get with the new TPB books.  The art is directly from the comics, and they showcase all the best characters.

As for the system itself, I'm not sure what to think.  For me, personally, it's kind of counter-intuitive.  The stats don't match the standard physical and mental attributes you usually find in RPGs.  And instead of numbers for stats, they use die-types.  I've always been kind of on the fence with those kinds of systems (ala Savage Worlds), but I know they can work fine, so that part is ok.  They also don't detail Hercules.  However, they give stats for Captain America (of course) and Colossus.  So, it's all good.

I'm sure it won't matter, though.  This is just another in my large pile of RPGs that are cool, but will probably never get played.

So, what are you playing?

Promotion time!

My latest Kindle, Severance, isn't getting a lot of love.  So, as a way of maybe generatinig some interest, I am offering it for free for a short period.

Starting tomorrow, and running through Friday, the story will be a free download for your Kindle and Kindle apps.  Download it here.

Severance had a job to do. As an assassin she was required to detach herself from her target. But this one was personal, as well as professional. And there was a good chance she may not survive the job.

Would her preparations be enough to carry her to a new dawn? Was she up to the task of taking on the most famous and mystery-shrouded assassin in the world? There was only one way to find out…

MMOs and the Near-Death of the Roleplayer

Let me preface this by stating openly that I am not a heavy “Roleplayer” in the traditional sense when it comes my Role-Playing Games. I rarely speak in character, and I don’t usually play something that I don’t have something in common with in real life (relatively speaking). In short, I almost always play the “fighter” of the group, and don’t often speak up much.

All that being said, I DO like to Role Play. It’s just that when I do so, I most often do it by making sure that my character’s actions are “in character.” So, my brave fighters rarely run from combat (though a “tactical retreat” is sometimes called for), and I try to play the character according to the basic personality that I assign to him. He does things that he would logically do, whether they are good decisions or not.

Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah. MMOs.

So, I am playing in a 1E AD&D game on a monthly basis. One of our players is a huge MMO player, as well as being a long-time tabletop gamer. However, in recent years he has gotten more into MMOs than tabletop. And it shows in his playing.

In an MMO, people tend to think of their characters in terms of their “role” on a team. Is your character a Tank, a Healer, a Melee DPS (Damage Per Second) or a Ranged DPS? And this, in many cases, defines their experience within the game.

For instance, in World of Warcraft, I played a Tauren Hunter, Hoofgrimm, for a very long time. Now, Hunters are traditionally Ranged DPS characters, so people who play them tend to quest for and buy the gear that gives them the highest numbers in those regards. I, however, played WoW mainly solo, and often just for the imaginary exploration and fun. I was never overly concerned with my “numbers” beyond buying or keeping better equipment when I found it.

However, I had several experiences where I would join a Raid with strangers (basically a special quest that requires a certain number of people, and is repeatable), only to be kicked from the team during the Quest because someone had an add-on that would calculate my numbers, and display them to the group. Apparently I was crappy at DPS.

My friend was the leader of a Guild, and at one point I had Hoofgrimm join, because it sounded fun. But again, even though I didn’t get booted from the Raid, it was the same basic experience. They were all on voicechat, and it was just an ongoing conversation about how best to handle the latest monster, and who should do what. Turned out, in-game was nothing but tactical play for the most part, and the Roleplay (which my friend touted the guild as being heavily into) was relegated to the internet forums, and special meet-ups where they would interact through private chats. At least, that was my experience.

Personally, I preferred to RP on the fly, during combat or travel. So, in the middle of a fight, I would type out some dialogue that my character would actually say, and I would do things that my character would actually do, regardless of whether he was any good at it. And this is simply not how MMOs are played.

Ok, back to my friend. His AD&D character is a Cleric. Ok, not traditionally a front-line troop, but he could hold his own in a fight. But my friend only sees a Healer whose job is to stay back and…well, heal. Problem is, healing magic in AD&D is not nearly as effective as it is in an MMO (especially when you roll for crap). So, he was constantly whining that his character had nothing to do, and that he was ineffectual.

Yesterday, he was not able to show up for game (oddly, he had made a previous commitment in an online game), so my wife played his character. And she had him do more. He was up there swinging his mace when he didn’t have any spells that would be effective. And you know what? He lived, and, more importantly, he contributed to the success and survival of the group by being in the fray on occasion. And he also healed people.

In short, when the character was played as more than just a healer, he became a more effective character. Clerics in D&D are not combat medics. They are knights and holy warriors in the service of their chosen deities. And they also heal.

To me, this just illustrates the one reason why MMOs will never truly replace tabletop RPGs. There is little to no improvisation in an MMO. There is very little opportunity to freely play a character how YOU want to play him, especially within the mental dynamic of the modern MMO player.

Now, I enjoy MMOs immensely (currently playing Star Wars…occasionally), but I have a ton more fun sitting at a table, rolling dice, interacting in person, and having my character do things that maybe he shouldn’t traditionally do, and being rewarded for the effort. I like that, at the table, we can choose to tie a rope to the Halfling and have the barbarian fling him across the chasm, just so we can have a rope bridge to cross. In an MMO, you can’t do that. You have to summon your mount and ride the long way around. If you are high enough level to have a mount, that is…otherwise you run.

Gung Ho!

My main character actually has
a lot in common with

Briareos Hecatonchires

from the Appleseed manga.

Yesterday, I had to cover the reception desk here at our department. It’s an unenviable job, and no one likes to do it, mainly because it’s just so boring. The only task I usually get is to answer the phone, and direct the call to somewhere else. And yesterday I was there for an hour and half.


So, I decided to write something. Something new that I hadn’t started yet, but I had been thinking about off and on for a bit. A story about a futuristic grunt. I love military sci-fi, and have read quite a bit of it (though not as much as I would like). Unfortunately, the stuff out there is not all good.

The biggest problem I have with a lot of military sci-fi is the lack of technical accuracy. I mean, sure, it’s sci-fi, so it doesn’t need to be accurate to real-world military, but there should be some elements that give it that “realistic” feel. I actually see this in movies more often than in fiction, but the problem is still valid. Little things like rank, grooming standards (facial hair and haircuts), and lingo. Not to mention military tactics.

Take Heinlein’s Starship Troopers as an example. In the book, he kind of glosses over a lot of the military details, focusing on the socio-political aspects of the war, and on the characterizations. But the movie, despite it being one of my favorites, falls desperately short in many technical areas. The Basic Training sequence is all jacked up. Haircuts are wrong, the layout of the compound is ludicrous (who puts an open live-fire range in the MIDDLE of a training compound?). And then there’s the battle-sequences. Apparently the Mobile Infantry teaches the ancient Persian “Swarming Mob” formation.

In a lot military sci-fi, particularly that which focuses on grunts and ground-pounders, it should be pretty easy to avoid this. Basically, Infantry tactics haven’t really changed much since WWII. That’s 70 years of history. So, if your story takes place 70 years from now, it stands to reason that, while technology will no doubt advance, and even the nature of battlefields will change, the core principals of military training and execution will remain largely intact.

In my story, I will attempt to avoid these pitfalls, while also avoiding saturating it with technical details that are just boring to the average reader (John Ringo, anyone?). I have introduced the main character, and have a basic plot in my head. I’m mining previous story ideas that petered out for things like the “bad guys” and some of the technical aspects. Oh, and lots of kick-ass action and carnage, infantry-style! I suspect it will be novella-length when all is said and done.