I wish I could write

Lately the idea of calling myself a writer makes me feel...dishonest. Kind of like considering joining the VFW because I was in Iraq during Operation: Desert Storm (incidentally, while I was there, I saw exactly four Iraqi soldiers...being escorted to a helicopter by our mechanics).

I have not actually put effort into writing fiction in months. I have written a lot of RPG-related stuff, but it's all amateur at best. Sure, I sell a bit here and there (I finally broke $100 in profits at RPGNow just this past week). But it gets listed on the main page, and is summarily buried by other new products within 72 hours. And my latest Kindle, The Pirates of Themos, is doing...underwhelmingly.

In short, I sometimes feel like a 4th grade hall monitor calling himself a cop.

So, what should I do about it? Well, write, of course. Duh! But when? Where? How? What? Between the kids, school, work, and every other bit of stress that vies for my attention, not to mention the easy accessibility to the heroin that is video games (both on the XBox and the PC), I just don't have the energy most days.

Yes, Steven Pressfield, I know it's called Resistance. And it's kicking my ass. Fortunately, I have a steady day-job to pay the bills with. If I had to live off my writing abilities, I'd probably starve. Then again, hunger is a pretty good motivator. However, that's not a risk I can put myself in right now. You know, wife, kids, etc.

I have a mid-term essay exam due on Sunday. It's pretty straight-forward, and I should be able to crank out a decent essay in short order, even with citations and whatnot. After that, I will have a research paper, and a final essay exam. Plus getting caught back up on weekly postings (sometimes online college is kind of a pain in the ass). So, it's not like I don't ever write. It's just that it's not "fun" writing anymore. I sincerely cannot wait until I am done with school. At this point, I'm not even going to think about what comes next. Only crossing that finish line and getting my piece of paper.

In the meantime, I'll try to chip away at some stories. I have several that really need finishing, and several more that need starting AND finishing.

So, here's a question that will test if you have been following along: Most of my short stories lend themselves to sequels and more stories. Which of my various characters would you most like to see more of first?

The Pirates of Themos

Now available!

"The life of sky captain is often fraught with danger. But, when Captain Daglus' ship is attacked twice in the span of minutes, even he is put off by it. And now he finds himself running for his life, trusting to his would-be captor to help him survive the scourge that threatens them both."

If you read it, please review it. Enjoy!

Sword & Planet

Many moons ago, an enthusiastic group of writers had an idea. What if we each contributed a short story to an anthology that took place in a shared world setting? And what if that setting was a Burroughs-esque Sword & Planet setting? And what if each writer wrote his story about a different planet? A Facebook page was quickly constructed, and planets were doled out to several writers, some basic details and ideas were hashed out, and soon work really began.

Well, as these things sometimes go, some writers had to bow out, the editor was forced to abandon ship for several very good reasons, and it looked like the idea was dead in the water. However, that left six people with completed stories that they were unsure what to do with.

A few of us have decided to share those stories on Kindle (and possibly other eBook venues). For my own part, I have formatted it, packaged it with a nice cover, and put it out there. I published it last night, but this morning when I woke up a sudden thought occured to me, and I realized I had forgotten a few key elements (such as the copyright notice). So, this morning I fixed the base file, and re-uploaded it. It should be available for purchase some time this afternoon.

In re-reading it yesterday, I did notice one flaw, and it may be a big one. But, I will wait for someone to point it out. Because I tried to figure out how to fix it, and I just couldn't think of anything that didn't sound stupid. So, I left the story as is. I rather like it. It's got adventure, danger, excitement, pirates, flying ships, aliens, and a bit of romance. All told, I think fans of the genre will enjoy it. It's a short story (just a hair under 10,000 words), and it will retail for $1.25.

I will post again later when it is published, and I hope you try it out!

I wrote that???

A few weeks ago I was going through an old box of stuff that has followed me around for the last 25 years. One of the items I found was a printout of a short story I wrote at the age of 18. When I first picked it up I thought it might be something I could polish up and shop around. Then I read it.

The story itself is kind of neat. It’s a story about two samurai who, having been separated for 26 years, find themselves facing each other as foes on the battlefield. It’s a story about redemption, and honor. At least, that’s what I tried to make it.

Upon reading it after all of this time (oddly enough, nearly 26 years later), I am appalled at the lack of quality. Besides the grammar, spelling, and punctuation problems, the characters are flat, uninteresting, and a bit cliché. The narrative changes tense midway through for some reason. There is almost no action, and a whole lot of (poorly written) dialogue. The technical details of Feudal Japan are…laughable at best. In short, it’s pure crap.

But, I will keep these yellowed pages, with their dot-matrix printing and excessively narrow margins. Mainly because they represent what I was. A hopeful, yet almost talentless writer who thought for sure he was the next Robert E. Howard. Ok, in some respects, not much has changed. I have some talent now, at least.

I thought about scanning the story and sharing it here. But, I don’t think I can bring myself to do that. I’m not sure I even want to let my wife read it (though I probably will, just for laughs).

One thing that did come from this little trip down memory lane is a reminder that I have improved. I’ve never been one to toot my own writer’s horn. I try to be humble, and I usually just assume my writing is crap until a neutral third-party says otherwise. However, I can honestly say with 100% confidence that the 43 year old Tom is a MUCH better writer than the 18 year old Tom was. But, I’m pretty sure any writer of my age or older can say that. So, I guess I’m in good company.

300!

This is my 300th post, and like those ancient Spartan warriors, it has been a hard fight to get here, relatively speaking (I didn’t have to slaughter any Persians or anything). Over the last few years, this blog has kind of been all over the place. I think I have talked about everything under the sun at one point or another (though I’m glad I ditched any notion of talking religion or politics very early on).

I’ve had some dry spells, like recently, where I posted very little. And I’ve had some periods where it seemed I would never shut the hell up. But through it all, I’ve always tried to be me. Yes, if you read my blog with any regularity, you know I’m angsty, self-doubting, and overly-opinionated. I’m very much a dad, a husband, a geek, and sometimes even a writer. I’m a student, and a teacher. I’m pretty smart, but I say and do a lot of dumb shit. And I love to read, but I have a very short attention span.

If you’re still actually reading my blogs, I thank you. Thank you for allowing me to use you as self-validation. If you’re not reading this blog, then you can go to hell! And I can say that because, if you’re not reading this, you’ll never know I said it.

I’d like to think that this is a turning point. That just up ahead is a crossroads or a fork, and I will choose a new and exciting path. Well, that’s what I’d like to think, anyways. But in reality, this meandering road I am on will just continue to meander on, so I am just going to enjoy the view along the way.

Though I do plan to have more writing stuff in the near future. I hope you’ll stick around for that, at least.

Rethinks...

A lot of rethinking has gone on lately. First of all, I am forgoing the idea of NaNoWriMo for this year. As always, I have too many distractions, and I really need to clean those up before I can sit down and do some serious writing. Otherwise, I would just be spinning my wheels, writing trash and then getting sick of the daily defeat and giving up anyways. Basically, I'm just not into it this year.

As for the writing I will be doing, I have a research paper on the Varangian Guard, as well as the weekly postings for my class, which I am currently about three weeks behind on. And this little tidbit brings me to my biggest rethink so far.

I have come to the conclusion that I love history as a subject, and will always be interested in learning little bits about it as I go through life. However, I dislike the formal study of it. I dislike having to read about eras and places that don't interest me. I dislike having to read about those times and locations through the words of dry, dull, boring scholars. And I dislike having to write precisely structured, annotated, and formatted papers on the subject. In short, I am not cut out to be an academic historian. I'm more of the armchair variety, and I would like to go back to doing that, instead of losing all motivation to read about history at all.

So, I am going to switch programs soon. As it stands, a Masters in History has very little opportunity for job growth and earning potential. So, I am basically racking up student loan debt for something that will not pay me back. Right now I am looking at switching to a teaching credential. In the short term, it will mean a loss of about 12-15 credits that will be of no use to me, even if I go back for the Masters later. But in the long run, it will probably save me time and resources, as I will be earning a degree that will be of benefit. So, I just have to get through this class on the Byzantine Empire for now. And then it's off on a new quest.

And speaking of quests (the word for the day is "segue"), I spent the last three days playing role-playing games, and visiting with artists and writers and game designers who have been doing this stuff for 40+ years (for a full report on Gamehole Con, I will talk about it soon on my other blog). It was an exceptionally fun weekend, and I had an amazing time. And it also rekindled my interest in being a game-writer and designer. So, once I get to the point where I can write for myself, a lot of that will be in the RPG vein of things.

In the meantime, I am waiting for the new video card to arrive, so I can (hopefully) get my computer up and running. The first thing will be to do an actual cover for my Sword & Planet story, and get that out on Kindle. Then I have a few stories that I would like to finish. And of course, there's all of those lovely RPG ideas.