Putting it out there

So, I have this huge fear of rejection. I have had it since I was a wee lad, and there doesn’t seem to be any hope of it fully going away. The one area in my life where I have the most trouble with it is my writing. Whenever I manage to finish a story, I almost never put it out there for public consumption. Usually, I send it to a choice few friends, asking for critiques. Generally, I get back “attaboys” and not much more. This is fine, because at least I know that my writing entertained someone. But lately, I have been trying to polish my writing, and so I have been asking for real critiques, and have taken what I have gotten back to heart, prompting rewrites and revamps.

But, anyways, back to my fear of rejection. I have a friend who writes a lot. He wrote a story a week for an entire year. I am envious of is ability to do so. And not only that, but he put all of them up on a blog for the world to see. And there’s just something about that that I can’t do. Every story I work on, especially the ones I finish are like precious children to me. I want to keep them safe from harm. What if people don’t like them? What if they think they are crap? I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help it.

I think there is also the fact that I have always wanted to be published and paid for writing. So I am loathe to give away what I could possibly sell. Perhaps that’s a bit arrogant of me. To think that every piece of crap I write is worth something tangible.

So, here’s my thing; I have a FictionPress account. In the past I have posted up a couple of works there. I’ve gotten some feedback, and it’s good. But I’m thinking about putting each story I write up there. And when I want to try to submit something for publication, take it down. Would this work? Would this be a good or bad thing? Or is this just me making a mountain out of a molehill, since most of the stuff that get “self-published” online is filed away by the majority of people as “amateur” and not worth even looking at?

Or would anyone even care one way or another?

Chances are, I’m just babbling here, and I’ve already lost anyone who bothered reading this after the first sentence…